Sunday 10 August 2014

Eat your vegetables!

I was reading Oliver Burkeman's column in yesterday's Guardian - about the challenge of getting children to eat vegetables and do other things that are "good for them". As well as being generally contrary, which thankfully most people grow out of, children want to live in the moment, to simply be and to seek pleasure. Oliver suggests that just putting vegetables in front of children and telling them to eat them because they are delicious would work better...... Maybe!


Owen is learning the piano and loving it. He practices without being told each day, and I think part of this is that I try hard to get the balance right between getting him to persevere with pieces he finds difficult, but also leaving him to put his pieces to one side and just explore different sounds and figure out the songs and the TV theme tunes that are playing in his head. He needs to enjoy the process of learning and not just the progress and the competition with his classmates, although these are also motivators.

I've been struck lately by my own attitudes to my two children as they learn and develop. Imogen's cerebral palsy has meant that she has not naturally had the same opportunities to explore as Owen.  Compared with other children her age her spatial awareness is less sophisticated and position words such as "behind", "next to" etc still cause confusion. How much of this is due to her lack of opportunity at a critical time when other babies are starting to move about, fall over, manipulate objects, poke things into holes etc?  How much is due to damage to the part of her brain that controls this understanding?  It's hard to say, but it is clear that her parents and teachers have an essential role in identifying these gaps in the building blocks of her learning so that she can make solid progress.  This applies to almost everything - personal care, physical development, reading, numbers etc.  For someone as lacking in patience as me this is a very slow process that can be deeply frustrating.  It also means that sheer relief can detract from my pleasure and pride in her achievements.  Owen, on the other hand, seems to make progress all by himself, taking every opportunity to ask difficult questions, climb on things, draw and write and figure out which piano notes sound nice when played together.  And I mostly just watch with pleasure.


This morning at church our vicar Trystan was talking about how our fears can paralyse us and stop us from enjoying the journey.  He is fearful of flying, but I think my biggest fears are about the future.  Both of my children are making really good progress, but when I look ahead what do I see?  Will Imogen be able to pass exams, get a job?  Will she be able to do things in her life that are valued by others and by herself?  And what about Owen?  As inequality increases in the UK it is hard to look ahead without anxiety.  It's no good just getting a degree now; it has to be a good degree from a top university or your child might still not be able to find a job, or have to do three jobs to pay the bills. So instead of just enjoying Owen's progress maybe I need to check that he's ahead of others his age so we don't lose out in the big competition of life.  Obviously I can't deny that this competition exists and escape from it entirely, but I must make sure I don't let the fear and anxiety dominate.

If I'm not careful all of this anxiety relegates my children's childhood simply to a period of preparation for adulthood.  That is crazy when you think about it, because childhood in many ways is the best bit! Do carrots exist only to provide you with essential vitamins so you "grow big and strong", or are they also about enjoying the experience of growing, preparing and eating them? Is a run in the park just about getting a cardio workout to avoid getting overweight or getting into the first team, or can it also be about enjoying the experience of running, the sounds, smells and wildlife around?


So, will Imogen will be able to do things with her adult life that are valued by others and herself?   In fact she is doing those things every day now.  She brings and derives huge pleasure to and from those that she spends time with, as well as with a large community of people who follow her progress online. Did Jesus say "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, because they are the  leaders of the future"?  No. He said "for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these".  Now.

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